“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings.”
Excerpt from “The Walrus and the Carpenter” by Lewis Carroll
The whimsical words of a walrus before he gorges himself on his naive oyster companions. Moral: Be careful who you hang out with.
I like to do this. Just talk. Of many things, if you will. I feel like I’m starting a new blog. I’m the same person, sort of. Actually, I’m new. Or Renewed. Or Revived, Revitalized, Revealed.
It happened like this:
August 15, 2015
Abigail Rose is born. She is so tiny and beautiful, but I don’t notice that right away. What I notice is what I say to Jon, “Jon, she will know. She will know that I don’t live what I claim to believe. She will know that Jesus is just a name to me.”
I may not have been that coherent. I think that I actually said, “Jon, she’s going to know if I’m faking it.”
April or May 2016
We begin to read “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer in our Monday night Bible study. My scrupulously constructed facade of Christianity begins to quake. I realize what it means to give EVERYTHING. I realize that it means seeking God-only. Eyes pried open. Human nature says: Stop reading that book! But I want authenticity…sincerity. I can’t live with the Christian hobby anymore.
Has anyone ever considered how lame Christianity or, more accurately, church-going is as a hobby? What a misuse of time. Better to devote that two hours weekly passing out blankets at a homeless shelter or debating politics (which I suppose is how some spend their church time) or blogging about the plight of humanity. Spend that time doing something that you think will actually make the world a better place. After all, the world doesn’t need another smug, self-satisfied, doctrinally-sound-but-spiritually-bankrupt pew warmer. I am saying this out of love, because I’ve been there. I’ve been that.
If you think the best way to spend two hours on Sunday is in pure and true worship before an unbelievably gracious and majestic God, GO TO CHURCH. Go to church; be with your brothers and sisters. Encourage them. Times are hard. We need to have each others backs. And we don’t need to be Christian hobbyists; we need to be disciples.
How about that five to fifteen minutes you read your Bible every day? Really? You think God wants your attention for the length of a Daily Bread devotional? I’m glad that Jesus gave me more than 5-15 minutes. He gave me his life! Lest I come across as saying that you just need to increase your “time with God”, here’s a thought: It doesn’t matter if you spend 15 minutes or three hours reading the Bible! If it doesn’t get into you, if you don’t let the Holy Spirit scrub your soul with it, if it doesn’t fill your heart so full that it shoots out at your fingertips, YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT! God doesn’t want your pitiful time. He wants you! We throw a few minutes God’s direction every day as if He is some beggar we consistently pass on our way to work. He is the King! We should be throwing ourselves at his feet in complete surrender! (Don’t take offense. I am also speaking to myself.)
Don’t be guilted into spending more time in churchy activities and “devotions”. That is not the point. The point is: God is not part of your life. Jesus is not part of your life. Your life is through Him and by Him and for Him.
We don’t need to be spending “more time in the Word” or “more time with the Lord”, we need to let go. We need to repent. When we SEE God, we repent because that is when we realize what scum balls we are. And he is so glorious. Lord, who am I that you are mindful of me!
But he is. He loves us! Wow! Wrap your head around that! (At least try.) When you fathom that you are individually loved and cherished and judged by the King of the Universe and Infinity, you will change. You will live humbly. You will forget your precious reputation and precious me-time and precious church programs and you will pray to see more and more of God and as he shows you more and more of his infinite Self you will realize, “Hey, I could do this forever!” Then you will “die” and then you CAN do it forever. Just look at God. Only God. God Only. We, the church, don’t need a better 365 day devotional, a better prayer closet, a better soul-winning strategy; we need Jesus.
July 14, 2016
I am baptized in the Holy Spirit and realize the above.
August 29, 2016
I love God! I devour Scripture as though I’ve never read it before. I lament over 27 years that could have been more, but I have repented of my apathy and I have JOY IN MY SALVATION!
Post Script:
I don’t want it to sound like I’m making this journey alone. God has given me a Godly husband. Jon is such a joy. He’s my best friend and brother in Christ. Not all of you will have such a great partner to make the journey with. Count the costs. What are you leaving behind? Because you WILL leave something or someone behind. Count the costs. But He’s worth it if by “it” you mean “everything”.
of cabbages and kings 
Well said…said well…💕🎶😊
Only by pressing in can we press on. Great thoughts.
Did you know that it was a scrupulously constructed facade? It sounds to me like you may have reached the point of being “born again,” spoken of in John 3, where you are…”the wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear it’s sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from”…”or where it is going.” If that is the case, you will experience both the most exciting days ahead, but also the most trying.